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Quotes from "Hanky Panky"
Written by Jim Dauterive
Directed by Jeff Myers

HANK: Bobby, the Blue Flame of Valour Award is the highest honor that the Texas Propane Association can bestow on a living member in peacetime. Show some respect.

LUANNE: Mr. Strickland's wife is beautiful.
HANK: That's not his wife. That's Debbie from work. A pretty girl like that should have been able to find a date.

HANK: As a young boy, I always dreamed of winning the Super Bowl. Then, as most of you know, that dream was crushed along with my ankle in the Class 2A State Football Championship. I knocked around for a while, sowed my oats, got a job at Jeans West. Long story short, one day at JW, I sold a pair of Jordache to a man who would change my life. To quote Dr. Luther King, I had another dream: to sell propane and propane accessories. The name of the man and the dealership: Strickland.

PEGGY: Congratulations, Hank, you own a barbecue restaurant. And because we live in a community property state, I own half. So, in addition, congratulations to me.

JEWEL: Pleasant mornin' to all y'all. My name is Jewel Crawford, attorney-at-law.
MR. STRICKLAND: I know all about you, you sorry sack of sackreet.
JEWEL: Sticks and stones, Buck. That's all you goin' be left with. (to Debbie) Well, you must be the adulteress correspondent. Aren't you pretty? I see how you could make a weak man stupid.
DEBBIE: Thank you.
JEWEL: Judge Iapereau sends his best regards, and this. (hands Buck a court order) It tells you when you gotta leave, which is now, and where you gotta go, which is out. There. You all caught up.
MR. STRICKLAND: Got-dang it, Miz Liz! Leggo my eggos!
JEWEL: I'm sorry you had to hear that, Miz Liz. (to Buck) Now you drag yourself out that door before my ostrich boot puts your eggos back in the toaster!

MR. STRICKLAND: Debbie, you stay here. I need you to be my eyes and ears.
DEBBIE: I'm his eyes and ears.
MRS. STRICKLAND: Yes, but your butt belongs to me. Because from now on, I am the Strickland in Strickland Propane.

HANK: You know, Debbie's place is right next to Sugarfoot's. That's quite a coincidence.
MR. STRICKLAND: No coincidence. I like to eat, I like to hump, and I don't like to drive. So I built Sugarfoot's next to the singles complex.

MRS. STRICKLAND: I can forgive my husband's benders, and the profanity, and his inappropriate comfort with all aspects of the human body. But it's the women, Hank. My purse of forgiveness is finally empty.
HANK: Please don't make me choose sides. Mr. Strickland's been very good to me, and I've worked for him as long as he's been cheating on you.

PEGGY: When people walk into Sugarfoot's, what's their first thought?
ELVIN: "I'm hungry?"
PEGGY: Uh-uh. It's "Why isn't this place good enough to be a chain?"

JOE JACK: coughboy toy!cough
HANK: "Boy toy?" I don't even know what that means!
JOE JACK: It means you're Miz Liz's Debbie.

DEBBIE: I'm tired of wiping tanks all day to support this home while you sit there like a king, watching All My Children with Gail.
MR. STRICKLAND: I am not a history buff, but I don't remember Louis the Fourteenth spendin' his days cleanin' hippie-hair out of drains!

BILL: You could call the Equal Employment Commission.
DALE: Or you could just put out.
BILL: Six of one.

HANK: No, I'm sorry, but at this point in time I'm going to have to reject your advances.
DEBBIE: This ain't over! Nobody rejects Debbie Grund!
HANK: Well, I just did.

HANK: Sir, we go back fifteen years, and in all that time I have only had one mistress, and her name is propane. Peggy and I have an understanding about that.

MR. STRICKLAND: I had it all, Hank. I had a good wife to mother me, I had a pretty young girlfriend. I was living like a Frenchman. But I blew it. I lost my wife, I lost my money. And now I want my wife and my money back!

HANK: Oh, God, I just had phone sex!

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