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Quotes from "Nancy Boys"
Written by Jonathan Aibel & Glenn Berger
Directed by Tricia Garcia

DALE: Sorry to interrupt your healing session -- hey, John Redcorn -- but Hank and Peggy invited us to dinner Saturday night.
NANCY: But Saturday is one of my John Redcorn nights. Sorry, sug.
JOHN REDCORN: But Nancy, maybe you should go.
NANCY: What?? No! I have an appointment with you... for my migranes.
JOHN REDCORN: I know, it's just that I've healed you three to five nights a week for many years. I could really use a night off.
NANCY: I don't understand. Did I do something to upset you... as a patient?
JOHN REDCORN: No, of course not. I love... treating you... for migranes.

PEGGY: They're not even a real couple. Did you know she only sleeps with him for his birthday and Christmas? That's why she gets so depressed around the holidays.

DALE: Boy, her can looks so sexy when she's walking away, it's almost a shame she's gonna turn around and come back.

DALE (sniffs): Boy, you smell good.
NANCY: Thank you. (sniffs) I like your tie.
DALE: Found it on the ground.

DALE: Ooh, I'd forgotten how comfortable your mattress is. What is it? Sealey? Simmons? Serta? Springair? Sterns and Foster?

NANCY: I slept with Dale!
PEGGY: Oh my God, we forgot his birthday?
NANCY: What if John Redcorn found out? Fourteen years we've been together and I throw it all away for one night of reckless passion.
PEGGY: Nancy, you know my position on monogamy. I am in favor of it. This is your chance to give up the excitement of an affair and have a normal life with your husband.
NANCY: I'm sorry, sug. Maybe monogamy works for you and Hank, but it does not work for me and Dale and John Redcorn.

DALE: Wait a minute. Every time I leave, you call John Redcorn. I know what's going on here. Your headaches are a desperate bid for my attention. But what do I do? I pawn you off on some Indian healer so I can have my Dale time at the gun club, or breeding show turtles, or on the Internet investigating unexplained phenomenona. God, I am so selfish!
NANCY: Stop blaming yourself, sug. In some ways, this is my fault too.
DALE: I don't deserve you.
NANCY: Of course you do. You are a sensitive, trusting, sweet, trusting man, and I don't deserve you.
DALE: Are you sure you're not an alien? 'Cause you just abducted my heart.

BILL: I thought you were withholding intimacy to preserve your life force.
DALE: I was. But then Hank had to go draggin' me and the old lady to some Italian romanceria. Next thing you know we're on our second honeymoon, except there's no cruise ship and I only vomited once.

NANCY: I have to cancel tonight's session. I have a headache.
JOHN REDCORN: So? Take an aspirin.

PEGGY: Nancy, I am so glad you finally took my advice and decided to love Dale.
NANCY: And you know what? I don't even mind doing the right thing when it's this much fun.

DALE: Damn my cat-like reflexes! Sh-sh-sh-sha!
NANCY: Stop with the "sh-sh-sh-sha," sug!

HANK: Dale thought we wanted to swing.
PEGGY: Swing? Absolutely not! You get Nancy and I end up with Dale? Who's the clear winner there? Dale!

JOHN REDCORN: You know, over half of Arlen used to belong to my people.
DALE: You come from money?

DALE: Enacted in 1966, the Freedom of Information Act -- or FOIA -- gives any citizen the right to request access to federal agency records or information. It's what I used when I took on the IRS for disallowing my status as a tax-exempt church.
JOHN REDCORN: Would you mind --?
DALE: Bringing down the federal government? Not at all.

DALE: On behalf of the white man, I would like to formally apologize for everything my people have done to your people.
JOHN REDCORN: And I would like to apologize for everything I've done to you. (beat) And your people.

PEGGY: Nancy, going back to having Dale and John Redcorn is not the answer. There's an expression I once heard, it goes something like "Two's company, three's a crowd."
NANCY: Well, I've heard another expression: "The heart wants what it wants." -- Woody Allen.
PEGGY: Oh, Nancy, wait! He married his daughter!

NANCY: I made a mistake. I had it all, and I threw half of it away. All I want is it all again.

DALE: Fifteen years of patient-healer relations, and I shatter it like so much lamp on scalp. I can't fix that lamp -- I tried, and I got a really bad shock -- but maybe I can put you two back together.
NANCY: You came here for me?
DALE: For both of you. What do you say, John Redcorn? Will you heal my wife? Please?
JOHN REDCORN: No. I'm sorry, but no.
DALE: You bastard! After all the help I've given you!
JOHN REDCORN: Dale, you've become a true friend. Which is why it would be... unprofessional of me to go on seeing your wife.
NANCY: I understand.
DALE: Wait, I guess I could treat you. I mean, I'm not a licensed New Age healer, but I think I've walked in on you guys often enough to know what goes on in there.

DALE: I was getting a weird vibe in there. Do you think he's gay?

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