The King of the Hill Quotes Page: "After the Mold Rush"
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Quotes from "After the Mold Rush"
Written by Kit Boss
Directed by Dominic Polcino
HANK: What kind of sick bastard runs a water-pipe through a stud without installing a nail-guard?
BOBBY: I don't know!
HANK: What can I do for you?
HOLGUIN: You can put your hand down and step two feet away from me. You might be contaminated.
HANK: What?
HOLGUIN: Your house has tested positive for mold.
HANK: Aaahh!
HOLGUIN: You might not want to take such deep breaths.
HOLGUIN: Don't worry, Mr. Hill, Rob Holguin is going to do everything it takes to get rid of this mold, and your insurance is going to pick up the tab. Everything from frictional irrigation with a concentrated chlorine solution to forced atmospheric dehydration.
HANK: Wait, you're saying you're going to rub it with bleach and then blow it dry?
HOLGUIN: In layman's terms, yes.
PEGGY: Will we be okay to stay here?
HOLGUIN: Well, that's a medical question, Mrs. Hill, and I'm not a medical doctor. Now I'll need you to sign this waiver, which certifies I've informed you that that's a medical question and I'm not a medical doctor.
HANK: If we've been sleeping in this room for twenty years, how come we've never had itching or asthma or any of those other problems we read about?
HOLGUIN: That's probably because the government hasn't found a scientific link between mold and any known health problems... yet.
HANK: Then why do you keep banging holes in our walls?
HOLGUIN: Because I am the hunter, and mold is my antelope, and if I don't bang holes in your walls, my conscience bangs holes in my head.
BOBBY: Can three family members share a living room without driving each other crazy?
HOLGUIN: There's no time to explain how it wasn't my fault! Go, go, go!
DALE: Leave it to you to make a hospital gown look unsexy, Hank.
PEGGY: Hey, Erin Brockovich has got mold. And Ed McMahon. Oh, it killed his dog Muffin. Maybe we'll meet them at a survivors' group.
HOLGUIN: I could throw a dart at the phone book and the house I pick would test positive for mold. And the phone book too.
ADJUSTER: Say that other thing you say, Rob, you know, the "yee-haw."
HOLGUIN: Oh, yeah. Yee-haw! There's gold in them there walls!
HANK: The funny thing about this boot-remover -- well, not so much funny as educational -- is that it was owned by the man who fired the first shot at the battle of Gonzales.