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Quotes from "The Incredible Hank"
Written by Dan Sterling
Directed by Wes Archer

BILL: I always wanted to run with the bulls. Sometimes, when I'm being chased by dogs, I pretend they're bulls.
DALE: Geez, Bill, why run with the bulls? With your weight and cholesterol count, if you want to hasten death, just jump up and down a couple of times.
BILL: No, I want the bulls to do it.

HANK: The boy's got no fight in him. I don't get it. He spends five hours a day playing violent video games -- what's the point if they don't have any effect on him?

DALE: Now Joseph, he's bursting with testosterone. Hey, Joseph, wanna wrestle? (Joseph tackles Dale) Aaaaggh! Oh, God, it hurts! It hurts so much!

PEGGY: Bobby doesn't need testosterone, he needs his father's acceptance. If only his glands could secrete that!

PEGGY: There's a PMS for men?

DOCTOR: The stress you're feeling at work could be a result of IMS. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Just think of it like you're having your mensies.

HANK: Got-dang it, I can't find any clean socks! Dang it!

PEGGY: Bobby, do not lay this trip on your father while he's trying to enjoy his coffee. He's stressed enough without you interrupting his coffee-drinking time. All right, Hank, you're free to drink your coffee.

BILL: Yep.
BOOMHAUER: M-hm.
DALE: Y--
HANK: Got-dang right!

DALE: So it turns out I'm not the actual Dale Gribble, but a clone of him. The original Dale Gribble is a super-warrior from the year 2087. The second me, i.e. I, was created to help the first me fight the invading Mongol armies.
HANK: Dale, that's asinine, and here's four reasons why. First, you're not gonna clone a super-warrior out of a guy who can't even win a thumb-wrestling match. Two, you've spent your life swearing that the robots will eliminate the clones by the year 2010, so which is it, robots or clones? Three, you've already said you sympathize with the invading Mongolians of 2087, so you'd be the last one they'd send to fight them. And four, if you were from the future, you would have seen this coming. (Punches Dale in the arm)

NANCY: He is so energetic, and confident, and happy, and in shape, and-- oh, sug, he's having an affair.
PEGGY: Nancy, I can assure you whatever's going on with Hank is not being caused by another woman.
NANCY: Sug, what else rejuvenates a middle-aged man like that? An affair would explain everything. Except his pimples.
PEGGY: Oh, those are just a side effect.
NANCY: Side effect?
PEGGY: From... happiness. They're just little zits of joy.

JOSEPH: S'up?
HANK: S'up?

HANK: Dinner can wait. Right now I say we hit the bedroom.
PEGGY: Hank! We can't fool around now. Your father is on his way over for dinner.
HANK: What? Dangit, he always ruins everything! Why does he have to be here? I got my own house so I wouldn't have to put up with his crap anymore!

DOCTOR: Peggy, the amount of testosterone you've given Hank is dangerous. You've effectively caused him to go through puberty again.
PEGGY: Well, that would explain the constant hair-combing and why he's hanging out at the mall all the time. But don't worry, I've stopped cold turkey.
DOCTOR: Whoa, don't do that. When the body is given excessive testosterone, it effectively stops producing its own. As a result, Hank's testicles may have shrunken by up to twenty percent.
PEGGY: Oh, my God! This is just the kind of thing that upsets him!

HANK: A man does what he has to do, even if he doesn't want to. You didn't want to take a shower, but you did. Running with the bulls is my shower.

VICTOR: Obviously we wanted to say this to you now, in the event that you become dead sometime within the next half-hour.

HANK: Between the drugging and the lying, someone in this family has got to show a little got-dang integrity.

DOOLEY: Where's my soap?
RAMON: I call this "eggs over easy."

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