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Quotes from "Care-Takin' Care of Business"
Written by Dan McGrath
Directed by Cyndi Tang-Loveland

BOOSTER: You seen the horns on the end-zone Longhorn lately? They ain't as pointy as they used to be. Thing looks like a got-dang cow!
DALE: It does have a cow-like quality.
TED: A thought. Just suppose we fire this fellow Smitty, what would happen to his pension money? Could it be diverted into, say, a new Nautilus machine? And if not, why not?

ANNOUNCER: Up next: "History's Mysteries, with Nazi Hidden Gold," followed by "Building the Nazi War Machine" and "Nazis of the Desert, Nazis of the Sea."
LUANNE: Wow, the Nazis did a lot.

PEGGY: Walk away from the redneck. Walk away from the redneck. Oh, no.

HANK: Friday night, the big test: season opener against Rushford.
BOBBY: Crush Rushford!
HANK: That's the spirit, Bobby.
BOBBY: I can't take sole credit. They taught it to us all week at school.

PEGGY: Luanne, you have a weakness for a certain type of man. You are drawn magnetically back to the trailer, back to the sticky ooze you escaped from.

DALE: So he likes to sleep, does he? I can give him sleep in so many ways.

HANK: We're all pretty experienced when it comes to maintaining our own lawns. We just have to treat this field like it's a really big lawn.
DALE: All right! We'll need really big lawnmowers and really big beers.

BILL: I feel like I'm cheating on my lawn.

BILL: If this field could talk, I bet it would say "Thanks for watering me, Bill. I was very thirsty. So, handsome, got any plans Friday night?"

LUANNE: Y'all shut up! This truck is beautiful. I call it "Pretty-pretty truck-truck."

LUCKY: I can't race and I don't have to work. What am I gonna do with myself?
LUANNE: We could go buy some more chrome.
LUCKY: Thanks, baby, but chrome is the reason I'm stittin' here and not racin'. Sometimes the world is cruel to shiny things.

DALE: Hurray for Smitty, or should I say "The Wizard of Sod!"

HANK: Yep.
DALE: Yep.
BILL: Yep.
BOOMHAUER: M-hm.
LUCKY: Who's gonna dare me to kill that bird?

BOOSTER: Smitty, I've never seen a kicker shank so many field goals! How do you do it?
SMITTY: So I think to myself, "grass'll do the trick," so that's what I did.
PRINCIPAL MOSS: Wizard, words don't describe.

LUANNE: Lucky, I took off work early today. Aren't you gonna honk me a kiss?

LUANNE: Aunt Peggy, Lucky says if we were both in lockup, I could probably take you. But I don't want to do that, because we're family.

SMITTY: For Denton, I'm thinking water and sticky tape. They ain't gonna see that comin'. The Wizard has spoken!

DALE: Hank, this is hard. And Bill's not carrying my share of the load.

HANK: Too much nitrate will fry the roots. The whole field will die.
DALE: And with it, the championship! My self-esteem is tied to this season! You must be stopped!

NANCY: Looks like fine weather Friday night for Arlen's big victory, and then it's off to State. Here's hoping. Death to Denton, sugs!
CONNIE (answering the phone): Death to Denton! ... I'll get her.
JOHN REDCORN: My people do not wish death to the people of Denton, but a crushing defeat would be just swell.

HANK: Bobby, looks like I'm free this Friday if you want to see that Hilary Duff movie.
BOBBY: The Princess and the Poor Girl? All right!

HANK: Lucky just earned himself a booster jacket. Even if he does cut the arms off.
PEGGY: Oh, great. Now he's a freakin' hero.

SMITTY: Now I can finally go to that place... what's it called? The flat one. Oh, I can't wait.
HEAD COACH: There goes the greatest groundskeeper this team will ever see.
HANK: Yep.
BILL: Yep.
BOOMHAUER: M-hm.
DALE: Aw, let's get him back!

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