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DALE: I hate to see Nancy cooped up all Sunday playing that Boggle. It's a beautiful day. She ought to be outside hanging my laundry.

LUANNE: Boy, Aunt Peg, the words I don't know could fill a dictionary.

NANCY: The Elks are having a Boggle tournament to raise their treasurer's bail money.

PEGGY: Boggle is nothing like cow bingo, Hank. Boggle is a game of wits. Cow bingo is a game of strategy.

DALE: Boy, that wife of yours is pretty good. I guess that's why they call her your "better half."
HANK: Who calls her that?
DALE: They.

HANK: I don't want you going to Dallas at all! That place is crawling with crackheads and debutantes. And half of them play for the Cowboys.

BOOMHAUER: Check it out, man...Talk about a road trip...Up at that Big D...motel, man...Talk about THE BIGGEST NAMES IN MOWERS, EDGERS AND CLIPPERS! BE THERE!...man, it's gonna be fun.

HANK: Come on, Peggy, we've got to get to Dallas before the gangs wake up.

LUANNE: Can I go back to bed, Aunt Peggy? I need to get eight hours of beauty sleep and then write a paper on it.

BOBBY: Luanne, that movie's got bad words and adult situations.
LUANNE: Not any more. I rented it at Blockbuster.

PEGGY: It's okay, Hank. Valet parking is included in the price of the room.
HANK: I don't like the looks of this one, Peggy. He's just itching to take my truck for a joy ride.

CHUCK MANGIONE: So take it from me, Chuck Mangione. Unplugging the iron feels so good! Can you dig it?

HANK: Peggy married me! I didn't marry her!

BURNETT: The Duke himself, John Wayne, was really named Marion.
HANK: You take that back!

PEGGY: I have dreamt of this moment ever since I was ages 8 and up.

PEGGY: You can't leave now! You are my coach! I need you! You of all people should understand. I am at state! This is my moment. When I close my eyes, I see myself in the winner's circle and you are right there next to me. My coach! My man! And we drive back to Arlen with that big-ass boggle trophy mounted on the hood of your old truck like some beautiful gold-plated, bare-breasted Rolls Royce angel!
HANK: Well, when I close my eyes, I see myself at the mower show. And you're there, too. Like some beauty queen of Yore, wearing a fur coat, and a, gold, uh, hat... Oh, all right, I'll stay.

PEGGY: I am so stupid.
HANK: You're not stupid. Heck, you're smarter than me!
PEGGY: Oh, big deal.
HANK: Well, you're smarter than anyone in Arlen.
PEGGY: Well, whoop-dee-doo! I am the smartest hillbilly in hillbilly town!

HANK: Hey, you know, Coach used to say something that would fire us up when we were behind.
PEGGY: Yeah? What?
HANK: LOSER! YOU'RE A LOSER! ARE YOU FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF?? WELL, YOU SHOULD BE! YOU ARE DIRT! YOU MAKE ME SICK, YOU BIG BABY! BABY WANT A BOTTLE!? A BIG DIRT BOTTLE!?
PEGGY: Why are you yelling at me??
HANK: Uh, I'm trying to be your Coach. Uh, it's, it's inspiring.
PEGGY: Well, thank you, because I feel worse than ever.
HANK: Well, it worked for the team.
PEGGY: No, it didn't. You went to state and lost.

DALE: Two days ago, you were like a little boy, all excited about the mower show. Now you're this strange man holding a purse. Which is it, Hank? Are you some kind of man? Or are you a little boy?

BOBBY: Are you sure you can get that ring out? Look, I can't afford any more screw-ups. I just spent my last dollar on deodorizing carpet sealing.

BOOMHAUER (on the virtual-reality mower): Aaaagh! I ain't got no fingers!

PEGGY: Sad. Abandon. Abandons. Bad. Man.

CISSY: "Ain't?" Haw, haw, haw! That's not a word!
PEGGY: It ain't "ain't," Cissy, it's "Acquaintanceship." As in, "It was not my pleasure to make your acquaintanceship."

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